Last night I had friends over for the first time since Jedi's death. It was also the first time in what feels like several months. Before they arrived, I cleaned the apartment, which entailed vacuuming most of Jedi's remaining dog hair. I realized just now that fur-less floors will be the new normal. Jedi isn't here anymore to shed. This change really hurts. There's always some reminder of his absence, some way in which life feels so different from when we were together. I still experience some physical discomfort in my heart area. I still get flashbacks of what I imagine his last moments must have been like. I wish so desperately that he was still alive. So I could hug him. So I could kiss him. So I could have another minute to tell him how much I love him. I wish he was still here to be my friend.