I love carrying Jedi. I love cradling him and feeling his soft, furry back against the length of my arm. He rests his chin sometimes on my shoulder. Usually he licks my cheek and ear before squirming and whining to get back down onto the floor. I rock him like a baby when he's in my arms. I tell him that he's a good boy and that I love him.

Jedi is growing bigger and heavier. I don't carry him as often as I did just several weeks ago when he weighed at least twenty pounds lighter. Now that he is taller, he is able to see more of the world, and by that I mean more of what's on top of tables and counter tops. His adventurous behavior gets him in trouble almost daily. Once he sees something to grab, he ignores all voices and springs forward. He even knows how to use his paws to pull objects closer to him.

It's exigent now for us to register for training classes. He has ruined shoes and clothes, plates, two of my glasses, and the carpet in my parents' bedroom. He has acted so excited lately--I don't know where this behavior came from. I feel that I've failed myself and Jedi by procrastinating on our enrollment. I wouldn't be calling him a bad boy at least once a day if we had taken classes earlier. Amazingly my parents have been patient, but change must start now.

By September or October, after our training classes have ended and Jedi is completely house-trained (hopefully), I am praying that he and I will move out of my parents' house. This future seemed more concrete over a month ago when I had three potential roommates, but the situation has changed. I am without roommates now and don't know where I could live without spending beyond my budget. I might simply announce my search to my Facebook friends and wait for someone to help me out that way. I don't want to live with strangers.

This year has turned out to be such a major shift in adulthood for me. I have become like a single father. I'm looking at Jedi now as he sleeps, and I can barely fathom that this little one's life depends on me. He is my family. It's no longer just me--it's "we." Jedi and me.

Two young boys, possibly three and five years old, played with Jedi at a playground in Glendale. The five-year-old sparked a conversation.

Boy: I used to have a dog.
Me: Oh yeah?
Boy: Yeah. He ran out of the house and down the street and then my neighbor shot him.
Me: ....................Oh my gosh!

Ten minutes later, Jedi scooped a plastic egg into his mouth while the boys continued petting him.

Boy: Oh no! If he eats that, he will die!
Me: Don't worry. I'll get it out of him.
Boy: I used to have a dog and he ate a balloon and then he died.
Me: Aww, how sad.
Boy: His name was Jedi too.

The boys continued following me and Jedi around the playground (their parents watched from the nearby picnic tables).

Boy: Can we watch Jedi kill?
Me: .................What?!
Boy: My dog kills cats. He is a pit bull!

Currently typing with one hand because Jedi is lying in my lap while I'm holding him secure with my other hand. He no longer fits in my lap. He has to lie with his hind legs at my knee caps and his head resting on my chest or sometimes on my shoulder. I like that he cuddles. When we sleep, he attempts to jump onto my bed, so I lift him up. Sometimes we wrestle before bed, where he tries to bite me as I'm muzzling him with my hands. He drains the energy out of me... he doesn't seem to realize yet that his bites can hurt! I signal that I want to sleep by planting my head on a pillow and closing my eyes. He usually stops playing at that point. Then he falls asleep by collapsing beside my body with his chin either on my shoulder or on my leg. It's incredibly adorable to watch him sleep when he's at my shoulder, but I feel more comfortable physically when he's on my leg.

Last week, I took Jedi swimming in the Gausselins' pool. Labs were bred to swim--just take a look at their webbed paws! Still I had to gradually introduce him to the water. He was afraid and whined a lot, but each time I let go of him, he swam immediately. He was a natural. I hope to swim with him more often to eliminate his fears and encourage him to enjoy himself. My goal last week was also to teach him how to get out of the pool, which I did by leading him to the stairs.

Taking care of Jedi has been a weighty responsibility, and sometimes I cannot believe that I am a dog owner. I look at him and think of the future--how tall he'll grow, how heavy he'll get, the activities we'll do, and the journeys we will take. I also wonder when he will ever understand the word "no." He probably does understand it and just disobeys whenever my family members and I try to separate him from objects, clothes, and body parts (ouch!) that he is forbidden from biting and chewing.

In the meantime, I socialize Jedi as much as I can. While I am at work, he plays in the backyard, and once in a while my dad might take him out for a short walk. He has heard and/or seen helicopters, doorbells, garage doors, flushing toilets, chatter from neighborhood children, water sprinklers, the mailman, the vacuum cleaner, and my alarm clock. Socialization includes exposing him to a wide variety of sights and sounds so that he will respond calmly and gently in the future. Perhaps a disadvantage to socialization is that he won't grow up to be an adequate guard dog, and since he is so friendly already, he won't know that someone is kidnapping him if that should ever happen (please God, don't let anyone take him!). Jedi also loves other dogs, even when they react aggressively or timidly. He has had a few wonderful opportunities to play with and sniff other dogs at friends' houses, parks, and at pet stores. It really sweetens my hearts when he makes friends with people and animals.

So far, it seems that Jedi's only fear is the dark--specifically, voices and figures in the dark. There's a quiet park near my house that receives little foot traffic, especially at night, so I take Jedi there. He follows me closely, frequently stepping over my toes and causing a stumbling hazard. Then when we hear pedestrians talking and laughing in the distance, his flappy ears perk up, he whines, and he immediately jumps on me. I didn't realize he was afraid of these voices the first two nights we went out walking at the park, but then I understood that he wanted me to carry him, which quieted him once I would lift him up into my arms.

With that, we are getting better at communicating. He knows that whenever I say "mum-mum," he will be fed breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He knows that when I say "carrot," he will receive a small carrot diced into quarters. He knows that when I say "soy-soy," he will get water. "Mum-mum" and "soy-soy" are Toisan words that my Chinese grandma taught me, so they've stuck with me. I have also started to growl at Jedi after he ignores three of my "No's." It usually works.

At his first vet check-up, he weighed eleven pounds. He has certainly grown since then, although my eyes often deceive me. I still see the little puppy I met on our first day, but if I take a step back, I see that his head has grown bigger, his body has grown longer, and his shoulders have gotten a bit taller. Without a doubt, he has also grown heavier. I am guessing he weighs around fifteen pounds.

As I am typing these words at 9:38 AM, Jedi is napping warmly at my feet. His shoulders--snuggled between my ankles. His right, hind paw--resting on my left toes. His body--curled in an oval. His neck lies over my ankle, and he's snoring.

When I met him at the breeder's home, he was wild and very nippy. He ran back and forth from one side of the fence to the other. He jumped incessantly. He tried to bite me every time I reached for him. The breeder told me to hold him in my arms as I sat on a chair, but he was so squirmy that I dropped him! Thankfully, he landed on his side; otherwise, he could have broken a bone. Jedi was the youngest puppy left, out of the ones that were available to take home. Despite his mild craziness, his affection captivated me. He loved to be scratched and loved to lay on top of feet. He looked ready for adventures.

The breeder walked us to my car, and we placed him into a dog carrier. He cried immediately. For almost twenty minutes of driving, he cried and howled riotously. I tried talking, turning up the radio, and petting, but nothing pacified until I sang "Jesus Paid It All." As soon as I sang, his crying turned into a soft whimper. He stopped scratching at the carrier and laid himself down. He quieted himself and fell sound asleep! I did not stop singing until we got home forty minutes later. My mom was happy to see him as I carried him through the front door, even though she wanted no involvement with his maintenance. Immediately he went for the leather shoes, the wooden table legs, and the rugs, and the kitchen hand towels! I told him, "No!" each time he clamped his jaws over any inappropriate objects. The breeder also taught me to push his "lips" into his canines whenever something wrong was in his mouth to force his mouth open.

Above: Jedi sleeps soundly in a crate graciously donated by my friends Leigh Ann and Kevin. I expected a rough night. The breeder expected a rough night, but when I introduced Jedi to his crate full of toys and my old t-shirts, he stepped right in and sat down like he knew it was his bed. I closed the crate door only when I knew he was asleep so that he wouldn't feel imprisoned. Four times he woke up, whined, and pawed at the door, and each time I was able to massage him back to sleep. Between 10 PM last night and 7 AM this morning, I slept a total of six hours, and in that time, he didn't have any potty accidents!

We walked around the block this morning at 8 AM. The breeder warned to not let him walk more than a mile each day, because his joints are not ready for much exercise (his joints are also not ready for jumping and landing, so he must be carried between points of varied elevation). I praised him whenever he peed, which was twice, and gave him a treat (his regular dog food, which he loves). I praised him when he pooped, and again gave him a treat. 

In a few hours, we will have our first vet appointment to check his health and administer some vaccinations. After that, we will be off to Leigh Ann and Kevin's house to meet Jedi's new friends.

I remember eating at this restaurant in 2009 when I lived in Santa Barbara. I'll just say that I'm surprised it's still in business.

A tangential post for this blog: I have decided to start another blog to record different things that go on at work, mostly quotes and small incidents. You may read all about it here! Peoplewhobrighten.tumblr.com

What's currently trending on my Facebook news feed: What City Should You Actually Live In?

You got: Portland

You are a free spirit, but not in the LA way, in the “you’re probably more cultured than most of your friends” way. You’re up-to-date on all the latest coffee brewing techniques, have a long list of local blogs you love to read, and can taste the organic goodness in every bite you eat. Move to Portland already, you sexy smarty pants.

My answers:

- I DON'T DRINK COFFEE

- "SKINNY LOVE" BON IVER

- I'M KIND OF JUST A CHICKEN PERSON

- NO FILTER

- DESTINY'S CHILD BEYONCE

- GO ON SAFARI

- GIN & TONIC

- NO STYLE = NO WAY

- PHYSICALLY I DON'T BLOAT. IT'S A GIFT.